|Warning! Shallow Water. No Diving Allowed|
Summer is upon us, and I thought I'd share some of my family wisdom with you. This is a Public Service Provided To You By Flash Fiction.
1. Wear clean underwear on road trips. If there's an accident, you wouldn't want the emergency crew to have to cope with besmirched skivvies.
2. Don't forget sunscreen on the tops of feet and the part on your head. (Or the entire head, if bald.)
3. Don't wear baseball caps all of the time, they eventually make you bald because they wear your hair out.
4. Don't sit on strange toilet seats; you might catch something. Put those squat exercises from the gym to use.
5. Don't pee by the side of the road. Police have radar urine detectors and they are bound to show up and catch you in the act.
6. If you're caught in an undertow, swim parallel to shore. If you make no headway, let it take you out a bit and try again. Contrary to popular belief, undertows do not extend for thousands of miles; you will not wash up on shore in a strange country. (If it were so, I'd put on a life vest, pack a styrofoam cooler, and throw myself in the Atlantic.)
7. Don't walk barefoot on hotel floors. People do terrible things on hotel floors.
8. Pack some clothes you don't particularly like. That way, after you've worn them you can throw them away before returning home. More room for souvenirs, less laundry to do.
9. Always pack anti-diarrheal meds. Someone WILL need them at some point, and it will be when the stores are closed.
10. When you get home, tell everyone what a great time you had. They don't need to know that you fought the whole time, the kids drove you crazy, or you gained 15 pounds.
All of that will be perfectly obvious.
Thank you for your patronage, and have a great summer.
*There is no featured blogger today, as someone might be offended by being forever associated with the words "underwear" or "skivvies".
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