Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saturday Sample - Flash Fiction

Since I hope to "shop" some stories when finished, I won't post them. But presumably rough excerpts are OK. I hope to have this one completed, cleaned up and ready for my first Write1Sub1 goal Wednesday.

 Working title - "Thinking Inside the Box"

The clanging of the metal door should have grated on me, but it didn't. I was far more concerned with a simple question; what had I done to deserve imprisonment?

From the silence came an echo of my thoughts, in a soft Southern drawl.

"What are you in for?"

My answer was cut short by the sound of other muffled voices in the darkness. 

The helpful neighbor chimed in again. "Sounds like Dr. Gottlieb and friends. He's going to have a look inside your head, among other things. But don't worry - I have it on good authority that you won't feel a thing."

Somehow, I didn't feel any fear, even as the sound of rattling implements reached me in my metal tomb.

I seemed to be beyond feeling much of anything.


Comments, critique, etc. are all helpful and appreciated! (And if excerpts that leave you hanging make you bonkers, let me know that too!)

Also, Andy at My Poet Charm gave me an award. I stopped participating in/passing on blogger awards because I had difficulty singling out people to pass them on to and sometimes felt like I was inadvertently "playing favorites" or leaving people out.  Doesn't mean I don't appreciate it though, so thank you Andy! You might want to pay him a visit - he writes poetry and participates in Romantic Friday Writers.

7 comments:

  1. This sounds like a horror story - or a psychological thriller. Exciting!

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  2. for a simple reader like me who have language limitations, this is quite easy to comprehend therefore i would say, a very good start...

    JJRod'z

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  3. This seems like a horror, I used to like horror stories until I was left on my own.

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  4. @jabblog - well, I can't give too much away right now. Once it's finished, I might just post the rest of the rough draft here, because by the time it is fleshed out, edited and polished it will be vastly different.

    @JJ - thanks. It's a very rough draft, but sometimes that's all you need to tell the story. I'm glad you find it easy to read, that's good news.

    Yvonne - I don't like horror much either. Rest assured anything scary or gory will probably only be hinted at. :)
    Sorry to hear you may be ending your blogging - I'll miss you, and I know many others will too.

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  5. Hi Li! I'm back from my travels and slowly getting around to all. I've missed reading your work. I loved this piece and can see it going far. It does have a horror feel to it. I wouldn't be much good at writing blood and gore. I'd hint at it too.

    Denise

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  6. it's Funny, Li, that I did NOT get horror out of this. True, the horror of the situation (prison; experimentation on the prisoners)which took me to Concentration Camps...which is horror, but is usually classified as something else.

    My first instinct is SciFi, but I really don't recall you writing any real SciFi or Speculative Fiction.

    What comes out of experimentation?

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  7. @Stu - correct, I have never written - or read much - scifi or spec. I don't even know how it would be classified. When I'm thru, I'll send you a copy and you can tell me before I start trying to shop it around.

    @Denise - welcome home!!!!! I'm afraid I've drifted away from writing for the romance group temporarily, but I'm still reading and staying in touch :)

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