Thursday, May 2, 2013

Weightless - #FridayFlash


"Wow. How did you get so fat eating salads? You must really pig out after school."

The pyric words had curdled the already churning contents of her stomach. Hundreds of eyes had followed and marked her rush to the bathroom; she still felt their judgement tattooed on her back. Eric had been among them, Eric with his lithe body and shock of blonde hair which he continually flicked from his eyes. His T.M.B. was still archived on her phone. Sorry. It's not working out. She knew the reason.


Now it was gone, and she felt not only thinner, but oddly weightless. The money she'd saved up could go toward new clothes, makeup, fitness classes. They'd stop whispering and staring. She's get Eric back, too.

Cold rain was sheeting down, plastering her dress to her legs. Just as well; it would be far worse to do it on a warm, starlit night. She slid the door of the dumpster open, dropped the forlorn bundle in amongst the spilth and dashed back to the chiaroscuro of neon signs, oily puddles and shadows on Main Street.

She would always look at children of a certain age, and wonder.




24 comments:

  1. Very sad story, Lisa...and, as usual, very well written.

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    1. Thank you Stu. It is a little darker than usual.

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  2. wow, that was a sock to the jaw that last two paras. Very powerful stuff.

    BTW what is T.M.B.?

    marc nash

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    1. T.M.B. is Text Message Breakup - at least among the youth around here.

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    2. Sadly, it's based on a local news story.

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  3. Very heady, driven to an unfortunate place by unkindness and one's own thoughts. Thanks for this, Lisa.

    And I figured out how to comment on Chrome, at least!

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    1. It seems to be a common problem. i use Firefox and sometimes have to refresh the page to get the comment box. The browser could be the problem.

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    1. It is, Alex, for everyone involved.

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  5. That's heartbreaking. And very well-written!

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  6. Haunting last line. Very well-written piece, horrifying and yet you feel so much sympathy for her as well.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and commenting, Shelli. I was sort of torn about the character as well - but I supposed it would be human to feel both sad and relieved.

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  7. Very powerful. That ending hits with just the right amount of punch.

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    1. Thanks Chuck :-) I was worried I might have pruned this one too much.

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  8. Such a powerful story in so few words Lisa. The chill will stick with me a while.

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  9. Devastating. Absolutely gut-wrenching.

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  10. Wow, that is powerful and devastating! I had to read it twice before I could comprehend what I was reading!

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  11. Wow...I didn't expect the ending. I went back over it, just to make sure it was really what I thought it was. Tragic! :(

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  12. Hi, thanks for visiting my blog. This is a powerful story and I never saw that ending coming. Hope you're trying to market your work. You're really good.

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  13. Haunting insights into what can be logic of youth. I'll often look back and wonder why I made certain decisions in high school. "What was I thinking?" I'll ask myself. But I can't even imagine having to deal with a situation as serious as this. And I just saw your comment about this being based on a local news story. Heart breaking. =( Thank you for putting this into words that allow us to peer past news we can become desensitized to.

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