Friday, July 12, 2013

Revival - Drabble From A WIP - #FridayFlash

     Sweltering under the tent, voices call upon God, singing in undulating waves. It's the devil called boredom which makes me point out a bug crawling up Bird's leg. He jumps straight up and comes down hard, dances in a zigzag, arms aflappin', straight for the tub o'holy water, ending up in it, the precious liquid overflowing, soaking into dust. Ma gathers us close, preparing to make the usual run for it when things go horribly wrong. There's a rumble in the congregation; an answering rumble from outside, and the pock pock of raindrops on canvas.
      It is Bird's first miracle.

17 comments:

  1. Nice drabble. You've piqued my curiosity about the rest of the WIP.
    This works by itself too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't seem to get it together enough to write a proper novel. So I thought I'd try a new approach - a set of short stories and flashes with a unified theme and setting, which will (hopefully) intertwine and yet stand alone.

      Delete
  2. wonderful voice in this Li - shaping up nicely for a longer work!

    marc nash

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Marc - I certainly hope so!

      Delete
  3. Oh wow! Yeah, that totally piqued my interest. And I like the developing setting- you really got a sense of it in such a short space.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hurray! That's the best compliment - that it's actually interesting! :-)

      Delete
    2. I completely agree with Beverly. The setting comes across clearly, and definitely sparked my interest.

      Delete
  4. His first miracle - hilarious! Really like this one, Lisa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alex! Glad you liked it. The first draft was more "dramatic", which I think was the wrong way to go.

      Delete
  5. Ditto Marc, I loved the voice in this piece. Really entertaining for so few words!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Richard, although I may switch to third person down the road - I haven't decided yet.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am really happy that you are taking your dust bowl stories further along. They have consistently have had a strong voice, no matter who the main character has been. All have been compelling, and all have more stories to tell. Looking forward to what you will end up with.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the voice in this Lisa! Yes, please do give us more drabbles from this WIP.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, "first miracle" means there will be more, right?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very nice beginning for something much longer. I now want to know more about Bird.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is really great! I liked reading this very much.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautiful story, beautifully told.

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete