Sweltering under the tent, voices call
upon God, singing in undulating waves. It's the devil called boredom
which makes me point out a bug crawling up Bird's leg. He jumps
straight up and comes down hard, dances in a zigzag, arms
aflappin', straight for the tub o'holy water, ending up in it, the
precious liquid overflowing, soaking into dust. Ma gathers us close,
preparing to make the usual run for it when things go horribly wrong.
There's a rumble in the congregation; an answering rumble from
outside, and the pock pock of
raindrops on canvas.
It is Bird's first miracle.
It is Bird's first miracle.
Nice drabble. You've piqued my curiosity about the rest of the WIP.
ReplyDeleteThis works by itself too.
I can't seem to get it together enough to write a proper novel. So I thought I'd try a new approach - a set of short stories and flashes with a unified theme and setting, which will (hopefully) intertwine and yet stand alone.
Deletewonderful voice in this Li - shaping up nicely for a longer work!
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Thanks Marc - I certainly hope so!
DeleteOh wow! Yeah, that totally piqued my interest. And I like the developing setting- you really got a sense of it in such a short space.
ReplyDeleteHurray! That's the best compliment - that it's actually interesting! :-)
DeleteI completely agree with Beverly. The setting comes across clearly, and definitely sparked my interest.
DeleteHis first miracle - hilarious! Really like this one, Lisa.
ReplyDeleteThanks Alex! Glad you liked it. The first draft was more "dramatic", which I think was the wrong way to go.
DeleteDitto Marc, I loved the voice in this piece. Really entertaining for so few words!
ReplyDeleteThanks Richard, although I may switch to third person down the road - I haven't decided yet.
ReplyDeleteI am really happy that you are taking your dust bowl stories further along. They have consistently have had a strong voice, no matter who the main character has been. All have been compelling, and all have more stories to tell. Looking forward to what you will end up with.
ReplyDeleteI love the voice in this Lisa! Yes, please do give us more drabbles from this WIP.
ReplyDeleteOh, "first miracle" means there will be more, right?
ReplyDeleteVery nice beginning for something much longer. I now want to know more about Bird.
ReplyDeleteThis is really great! I liked reading this very much.
ReplyDeletewww.modernworld4.blogspot.com
Beautiful story, beautifully told.
ReplyDeleteGreetings from London.