Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Five Worst Christmas Gifts I Ever Received


I know, I know, it's the thought that counts, right?  But admit it - you've gotten at least one gift, at some point, which either made you cringe, or left you scratching your head and wondering what the heck the giver was thinking.  And while some of mine might have been suitable for someone else - well, they just weren't right for me.

1. Cactus.  Since my house is Death Row for plants, I suppose this person thought that they'd enrich my environment with greenery which needs almost no care.  Unfortunately, I also tend to be clumsy. I managed to stick myself with cactus spines not once, but three times.  The third incident necessitated a visit to the doctor to address an infection.  Perhaps it was an Avenging Cactus secretly sent by the god of dead houseplants to make me pay.

2. Vacuum cleaner. Thanks honey, how thoughtful.  Expect some of your expensive cuff links to disappear up the new vortex suctioning system and be converted to cold hard cash.

3. Blanket with your ex's initials instead of mine.  After being presented with the order slip to prove that it was a new purchase, and the wrong initials a mere sign of senility, I chose to forgive.

4. 100% Wool socks. Thanks for the itchy feet.

5. The Obligatory Ugly Sweater. Actually, it wasn't that ugly.  More like...inappropriate, as the reindeer's red nose ended up strategically placed in an awkward area of my chest.  I always wondered if it was a miscalculation, or some designer's idea of a practical joke.

So that's my list.  And, looking it over, not too bad I guess.

What's on yours?


15 comments:

  1. Hi ... i just read and so i have to trying harder to understand vocab by vocab. but, i never stop tu reading english ... :-) keep writing!

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    1. Thank you for reading. Learning a new language is difficult! Keep learning!

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  2. The third one is awful!!
    We've killed every cactus that came in this house...

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    1. It was awful. But I think he felt worse than I did - fortunately, I do have a sense of humor and it was just such a ridiculous mistake to make. Worthy of a sitcom.

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  3. My favorite animal is the zebra and so people get me a lot of zebra stuff, which more often than not I love. But a few years ago someone once gave me a zebra print cardigan that was clearly meant for a woman 70+. It was awful! But I appreciated that the person knew how much I loved zebra and tried picking out something for me, so it was the kind thought that counted! I donated the cardigan to a women's shelter, so hopefully someone got it who needed it and liked it.

    Happy reading and writing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines

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    1. I'm betting that someone was delighted to have that cardigan :-)

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  4. I've only been celebrating Christmas since 2007, so I don't have anything specific to the holiday. But I have given (and gotten) plenty of atrocious gifts, thanks to our friends' annual Bad Gift Exchange party every January. It all started because of a puffy glittery elephant on a turquoise sweatshirt and has escalated from there.

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    1. That party sounds like a great idea! And you could serve various appropriate food items like that weird green jello mold they used to serve on a bed of lettuce in the 70s...

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  5. Ha! The vacuum would have been a deal breaker. My ex (See. Deal breaker) gave me an ugly robe. Happy Holidays, Li!

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  6. Ugh, my worst Christmas presents come with too much emotional baggage and outright fighting. I prefer having mellowed over the years, my worst reactions to these things being passive disappointment. It's a holiday about making those I love happy. I even wear the ugly button-down my now-deceased grandmother got me one year.

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    1. Love the sentiment of making others happy, John. Merry Christmas to you.

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  7. Loved this piece, Lisa. My single worst present ever received was a gift-wrapped package of maple syrup the giver had saved from an airplane breakfast meal. Not naming names … this was back when you still got pancakes with syrup on a long domestic flight. Merry Christmas!

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    1. LOL that's hilarious. the fact that they even saved it to begin with is a little strange, but then gifting it...
      Merry Christmas to you too!

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  8. Hi Li! I am sitting here laughing!!! I have to admit I have several friends who are very practical and take my "I really need...." literally.I have received underwear, a broom and dustpan, a mop (note: I really am a very clean person, these items were just wearing out), back when I was married I got a skill saw. Those are the only a few that pop into mind right now. Hope you are doing great and enjoying the Winter Holidays!!! And I really hope that you are feeling good and your health is great! I am celebrating Xmas sometime in January when I get caught up from the last few health setbacks.I really need a new pillow however I am not saying that out loud with friends in a store, haha!!!! Big hugs to you!

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